Published: July 03, 2009 08:00 pm      

Parenting Today: Keep up with your kids by learning about texting

For all you parents who think nothing good can come from your teen’s constant text messaging, you should consider the story of 15-year-old Kate Moore. Moore recently walked away from the U.S. National Texting Championship in New York with $50,000 and the title of “Texting Titan.”

OK, in reality chances are that your teen isn’t going to make any money texting, and for most young people, the fervent tapping at their keypads has gotten them little more than sore thumbs and possibly deteriorated writing skills, if not worse. Nonetheless, texting is a staple of teen culture, and with the average teen sending more than 30 texts a day, it is more important than ever for parents to learn about this new staple of teen culture in order to better understand and protect their teens.

For many teens, texting is popular because it allows them the ability to multi-task, something this generation loves to do. While phone calls require undivided attention and instant messages require you to be at a computer, text messaging can be done anywhere, while doing anything. Teens text while watching TV, hanging out with friends, in class, at work, even while driving.

Texting also offers privacy. Unlike phone calls, texting allows teens to communicate with friends in a way that prevents others from knowing exactly what they are saying. A teen could simultaneously be watching TV with her family and, through texting, be engaged in the kind of conversation that would horrify her parents.

For this reason, some parents secretly snoop around and read their teen’s text messages when a phone is left unattended. Others subscribe to services, like My Mobile Watchdog, that send copies of a teen’s text messages to a parent’s phone, allowing the parent to keep an eye on what teens send and receive and who they are communicating with.

While this kind of surveillance is valuable in protecting younger teens from predators and other dangers, I would suggest that for older teens, such drastic measures aren’t usually needed. In fact, such close scrutiny may do more harm than good. When teens feel as though they aren’t trusted and their privacy has been invaded, they push parents away. As a result, teens are less open to parents and through trying to know more, parents actually find out less.

Instead, engage your teen through familiarizing yourself with the technology. For example, the next time you need to call your teen to ask a question, try texting instead. You may be surprised at how your communication improves when you approach teens in a way that makes sense to them. Also, try getting to know the language. If you’re frightened by not knowing what LOL or OMG mean, then learn to decipher the language of texting through acquainting yourself with a list of acronyms. You can find a complete list of texting shorthand at www.futureparadigm.org.

Lastly, try to remember how you would feel as a teen if your parents were monitoring all of your conversations. Then, talk to your teen about how you trust her and unless you are given a reason to take it away, you will allow her a certain amount of privacy and freedom. By doing this, you can communicate to teens that it’s better for them to be open an honest with you about what’s going on in their lives than for you to find out another way.

Like most technology that parents worry about, texting is something that should be embraced rather than shunned. Instead of trying to minimize its presence in the life of your teen, understand that this is how this generation communicates, and by engaging this part of her world, you can improve communication and increase your influence in their lives.