Published: November 07, 2009 05:04 pm      

Surviving the Holiday Stress

The marathon is about to begin; how to manage all the headaches that come with the season

The Kmart commercial I saw recently, as best as I could remember, was similar to the one from last year: It’s the one advertising holiday layaway and urging people to start planning and shopping now for the Christmas season. Seemed like a good enough idea in a tough economy.

The only problem is this: It aired on Oct. 15, two weeks before even Halloween.

Two months before Christmas.

Well before we’d even cooked the Thanksgiving turkey.

I reacted the exact same way my dad used to when we were kids, shaking my head in pure frustration of just how early shopping malls and advertisers can kick off the Christmas season year after year.

Let the marathon begin.

Between test-of-endurance shopping excursions, making holiday plans and cross-country treks to see extended family, the holiday season is busier now more than ever. And with that comes inevitable stress and headache.

“Every year it seems to be more and more commercial, starting earlier and earlier with the stores bringing out the Christmas trees and Christmas lights; even before Thanksgiving,” said Licensed professional counselor and Texas State University professor David Carpenter. “But holiday stress is nothing new.”

Carpenter, who has worked as the director of two mental health clinics, says commercialization of the holiday and expectations of our society to celebrate Christmas as if it’s not entirely a religious holiday, adds to the confusion and the chaos.

“There’s no doubt about it. The mental health business picks up dramatically during the holidays. Depression increases. Suicidal thoughts and even attempts increase around the holidays,” Carpenter said.

Many cope by smoking a little more, drinking a little more. These are natural coping mechanisms, Carpenter says, but they’ll only make one feel more guilty and even worse in the end.

“Then the stress has really succeeded in getting the best of us,” Carpenter said.

So how does one combat all the holiday mayhem?

First, don’t lose sight of the real reason for the season, Carpenter says. Remember the good things.

“We may be better served by getting in touch with what we have in our lives, and the people we love and all the blessings. Bringing it back to the basics might be a good idea,” Carpenter said. “It’s the holidays and we’re supposed to be joyous and happy; because of that, it looks like we should be celebrating, but instead we focus on what we don’t have. We don’t have money to buy the things we wish we could. At a time we’re supposed to be happy, it ends up a reminder of our suffering. I think we need to focus on changing our mindset about that.”

Another vital tool to surviving the holiday stress is communication. Be honest with family members and friends about your plans. Lessen the demands on one another.

“Talk to your extended family, suggested that you don’t focus on spending and spending; maybe you can focus elsewhere, celebrate in other ways,” Carpenter said.

If the stress does get to you, Carpenter has a simple, cheap solution: Journaling. He says the act of writing downs one’s feelings when things get tough has proven therapeutic benefits.

“Just get a pen and paper and start writing,” Carpenter said. “If you’re really troubled and worried and stressed, then journal about it.”

One of the most important things to remember during the holidays, he stresses, is that it’s OK to put yourself first now and again.

“It’s not selfish to know when you’re worn and when you’re stressed; and that may mean not putting demands on yourself to increase your credit card bills.... Say to your family that wants you to travel four hours through Houston traffic, ‘we’re tired and worn out,’ and don’t feel like you have to succumb to the expectations of others.”

And always remember, you’re not alone.

“When we have problems, we feel like we’re the only person who feels this way and that no one feels this bad, and we tend to go into ourselves,” Carpenter said. “But, basically, I’m suggesting to you that there are a lot more people surrounding you and me who also feel a tremendous amount of stress from the holidays.”