Most important Father’s Day gift to give is time

Features

June 14, 2008

By Mat Anderson The San Marcos Record Sat Jun 14, 2008, 11:25 AM CDT

Father’s Day is today and as is usual for most gift-giving holidays, I still have no idea what I will get for my dad.

I visited a few stores unsuccessfully searching for the perfect gift. When I failed to locate it, I just got him a humorous and slightly sentimental card and some DVDs starring John Wayne or Roy Rogers.

I’ll wait for the next holiday and do it all over again.

This has been my mode of operation since I was in middle school, and I must say that in a decade, I’ve never found the perfect present for my dad. I’ve realized this is because the best thing I could give either of my parents isn’t something I can pick up at the mall; instead, they would prefer my time.

As I look back on my teen years, I’ve come to see that I was so busy trying to grow up and be independent that I missed a lot of great opportunities to spend time with my parents. This same regret for time lost happens to parents, too. In our fast-paced society, it’s easy for moms, and especially dads, to become so busy providing for their families that they end up missing out on enjoying their family. Too often, parents work long hours in order to give their teens everything they want (a car, nice clothes, money for college) that they sometimes miss out on giving their teens what they need.

While all parents desire to give their children more than they had growing up, that is not their primary role. The most important job a parent will ever have is to raise children who will become responsible, healthy adults. To accomplish this, parents need to be present and involved in the lives of their teens. There will always be more work to do, but you will not always be able to spend time with your kids. This is important, because while most teens may not admit it, parental involvement is what they want and need.

Ways parents can maximize this time include:

Getting to know them. How much do you really know about your teen? What are his hopes and dreams? Who are his friends? What does he like and dislike about you? If you don’t know, it’s important to ask.

Listening to them. Put down the newspaper and turn off the TV when your teen talks to you. If you really listen to what she has to say, she will feel as though you care about what’s going on in her life and will be more likely to open up to you more often.

Nurturing them. Make sure your teen feels valued. Even if it’s uncomfortable, it is important to tell your kids you love them and to hug them. While teens may seem embarrassed about it now, it is beneficial for both of you.

Setting an example. Parents are the primary role model for their kids and an example of what it means to be an adult. Because of this, it is important that your behavior as an adult, parent and spouse are things your teen can respect and aspire to.

By getting to know your teen and understanding the unique challenges he or she faces, you can be an effective force in guiding and supporting him or her through the precarious years of adolescence. During my teen years, the experiences that made me who I am today were not times spent with friends exploring independence. Instead, they were the moments that I was able to connect with my dad and learn what it meant to be a man, a husband and one day a father. Because of the time he spent with me, and the example he set, he’s not just my dad or my role model, but my hero.

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