Taylor: Putting mental health first shouldn’t carry stigma

Editor’s note: Kennedy Taylor is a point guard on the Texas State women’s basketball team. She will play in her senior season with the Bobcats this winter.

Last year, “the COVID season” was different for all athletes. 

The isolations, the pressures of competing and the anxiety of the unknowns made the season a real roller coaster.

Last year was the most interesting season that I have been a part of. Every athlete in the country had to adapt to new rules pertaining to COVID-19.

We had to get tested three times a week early in the morning. Imagine having to wake up to get stuck in the nose at 7 a.m. The looks on everyone’s faces weren’t always pretty.

Each time after getting tested, I was nervous about my results. I think that I was pretty responsible in wearing my mask, social distancing, and staying in the house for the most part. Regardless of how safe I felt that I was being, there was always that fear of slipping up. Those feelings would come about every time I went to get tested.

The worst part about testing positive wasn’t only having the virus and having to isolate for 7-10 days. It was that all of your close contacts, which is mostly your teammates and roommates, would also have to quarantine. On top of that, you basically had to wait one or two extra weeks to get back on the court because the training staff had to monitor your heart. So getting COVID-19 would put you out for almost a month, which would cause you to have to quickly whip yourself back in shape, physically and mentally, if you wanted to compete.

On one of my most confident times going to get tested, my coach, Zenarae Antoine called. She asked me if I felt OK and proceeded to tell me I tested positive. My mind went at a blank and my heart felt like it was about to pop out of my chest. It wasn’t the fact that I had the virus, it was the fear of me knowing that in that week particularly, I was doing my best to be safe.

It was hard for me to continue that conversation with Coach Z and our trainers because my mind was in a million places at once. She told me the protocols and asked me who my close contacts were. We played a game a night or two before, so it was almost all of my teammates and coaches. We were in the middle of our conference schedule, so it was a difficult time to miss games and players.

Additionally, I was the first positive COVID case during our season. So I was going to be the reason we missed multiple games. My team did a great job of committing to each other during the season to be safe. I felt terrible doing that to them.

It was always stressful worrying if you were going to get to your game each week or if they were they going to get canceled. We had a few canceled games during the season because our opponents had positive cases. It wasn’t in our control, we just had to pray that everyone on each team stayed safe.

My teammates weren’t my only close contacts. My family came into town for the game  a couple of days before. We wore our masks while we went out to eat and spent time together. However, my mom spent the stayed with me the night before, so of course we didn’t have our masks on. I called her to break the news to her and it almost broke me because I know she had been around my grandparents without a mask. My mom took the news well and told me to make sure I took care of myself. She had to take off work for the week and quarantine.

I was even sadder because last year I spent more time away from my family than I ever had. I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t want to put my family or my teammates at risk, yet I did anyways. 

The next day, my coaches and trainers told me to go get retested two days after the positive result. I isolated for two days — probably the longest two of my life. However, the day came and I went to get retested at the student center. A couple hours later, Coach Z called me again.

She told me I tested negative and that the first was a false positive. After that, I received two more negative COVID results. My teammates were in quarantine, while I was in isolation for no reason. Thankfully, we didn’t miss any games.

The mental stressors that came not only with that situation, were tough to handle. It was scary because it wasn’t anything we had control of. 

This past season was different than any other season I had been a part of. Instead of playing conference games on Thursdays and Saturdays, the games were on Fridays and Saturdays. We played the same opponents to limit travel, and most times in less than 24 hours.

In my opinion, playing games back-to-back were tough. There were multiple injuries that came about during the season. And mentally, it was taxing. Injuries were already tough to handle pre-COVID, now it was just adding another straw to the camel’s back.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that our season wasn’t canceled. But it was tougher than usual juggling academics, sports and COVID-19.

I am happy that I was able to spend that COVID-season with the teammates that I had. We made memories that will last a lifetime. We had to make our own fun because we were always around each other.

Our social life was nonexistent. We were advised to only hangout with our teammates or other athletes who were frequently tested. We would always hang around each other, but even that would get old.

There wasn’t a way to go out and have fun to relieve stress from school or basketball. When we had tough battles going on in our life, we had to try to forget and move on or bottle it up until we found a safe way to let it out. Either way, it was hard.

School was also different for us. We had to adopt to virtual learning. It took a lot of discipline for me to get up every day and turn on a computer screen and actively insert myself in to learn. Students would be able to sit behind a computer screen all day and go back to bed. The social aspect of college was cut short by online learning.

Personally, I liked online school to start out because it was new to all of us, including teachers. However, as time went on, classes started to get harder and harder. I’m assuming that’s when teachers started to get the hang of virtual learning. After a while, my social meter started running low.

To this day, I think COVID-19 is one of the direct correlations to social anxiety. We had to learn how to be social with each other face-to-face again. It’s different being behind a screen and in someone’s face.

The pressure to perform at a high level while dealing with all of these factors is a lot for any person.

I didn’t have any glaring or big mental health issues during the season, but I know so many people who have. We fought through little battles every day that no one was accustomed to. 

From birth, athletes are taught to be mentally and physically tough through situations that usually hurt them. Whether it’s not crying after a coach yells at them or if it’s getting back up after you’ve twisted your ankle.

Everyone’s experience is different. Even though people were still putting on their jerseys, we never knew what they were going through. Take the time to listen to the story behind a lot of those smiles.

The NCAA is starting to try to do a better job at focusing on athletes’ mental health. There is more awareness around the subject because so many people are being brave and telling their stories.

Professional athletes, like Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka, are highlighting our mental health crisis. They have received backlash for putting their mental health first, but their boldness will lead the way for others.

Let’s erase the stigma of athletes always having to be mentally tough. Because truthfully, they go through things just like a normal person, and maybe even more.