DEAR ABBY: I met my wife in college. We have been married for 40 years and have two adult sons. My wife had a brief affair early in our marriage, but we have long since moved on from that. However, increasingly over the last 15 years, my wife (career homemaker, her choice) has been aggressively making demands in exchange for anything she does for me – i.e., if I don’t buy her something, she won’t cook dinner, do laundry or have sex.
I buy her things all the time, and I give her an allowance, roughly 70% of my takehome pay. Some of her demands I simply cannot afford, so I often cook, clean, etc., myself. As a result, we haven’t had sex in more than 10 years. Two years ago, I met a younger woman. She is also married, although separated. She still shares a home with her husband and their two children. We meet as often as we can and I find her delightful and easy to get along with. Lately, she has been saying she wants us to leave our situations and get married.
My concern is twofold. First, when my wife gets angry, she threatens to divorce me and take everything I’ve got, even if it costs her everything as well. She does not bluff. Second, my girlfriend is so much younger than I am that I’m concerned that while things are great now, I’ll be an elderly man in the not too distant future and could be a burden to her. What are your thoughts? – AT A CROSSROADS DEAR “CROSSROADS”: From what you have written, it appears your marriage has essentially been over for many years. If the only thing keeping you in this unhappy marriage is fear, contact an attorney to discuss what a divorce would cost you financially. Whether you should then “rescue” this delightful, much younger woman from her unhappy marriage is a separate issue.
