New Braunfels author Ted Akin debuts hilariously irreverent novel
“Care of Magical Creatures” meets “Good Omens” in this madcap novel about Marjorie Posey – a dedicated Texas Parks & Weirdlife ranger – and her efforts to document a newborn and extremely rare unicorn born in Far West Texas.
Posey is joined by a host of interesting characters, all of whom want the unicorn for their own drastically different purposes. Among them is a pair of rogue angels, Eric and Emily, who – along with their emotional-support platypus, Louis – are racing to save the unicorn from a duo of not-so-nice angels, Eli and Ed, who think that Emily and Eric’s magical creatures should be eliminated, a feud that has gone on since literally the dawn of time. Emily, a fiend for caffeine with a penchant for tropical shirts, has harbored a deep resentment for her fellow angels ever since they destroyed her beloved dinosaurs with a giant space rock.
Rounding out the raucous cast is a crew of faeries (interchangeably mistaken for Austinites and the members of Mumford and Sons), a heavy-metal loving wood nymph, a group of unusual- creature-loving hippies, a couple of seemingly hapless regular guys and a rather unfortunate mercenary hunter who bites off more than he can chew.
The resulting story takes readers on a cross-Texas, interdimensional journey that is one part heist, one part road trip, and 98 parts hilarious hijinx.
New Braunfels local and lifelong Texan, Ted Akin writes with the clever, irreverent humor of Douglas Adams if he had been born somewhere between Houston and San Antonio. Texas natives will enjoy Akin’s attention to local detail. With nods to the Czech Stop in West, Cabela’s in Buda and the famous Prada store in Marfa, Texas readers get to feel like we’re in on the punchline as we trek across the state with the protagonists. While the references are like a treat for readers who live here, they translate to a broader audience since it is easy to imagine mythological creatures like Rocs and Jackelopes roaming through Big Bend and the Texas Hill Country.
As much an endorsement as anything he writes, Akin describes himself on his Amazon author portal as a “dork, farmer, rural mental health advocate, writer, desert hippy and world’s okayest musician.” Akin plays with words, teasing out unexpected dialogues and pleasing double meanings, as illustrated in this excerpt between members of the activist group People for the Ethical Treatment of Unusual Animals, or PETUNA, which the members of the group changed to PETUNIA in order to sound more like the flowery, animal-loving types they are, rather than fishing enthusiasts.
Val, the founder and leader, says to Clyde, a fellow member of PETUNIA: “Is this lead more reliable than the time you had a hot tip on a stolen cactus?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Clyde feigned.
Val: “It was supposed to be enchanted or something. Turns out it was just a saguaro that someone had illegally transplanted to Farmington.”
Clyde: “Well, we still did our civic duty.”
Val: “While we were trying to move it, the owner came out and shot a gun in the air.”
In the Beginning, God – which was pronounced like GIF – created the world. More than a handful of years later, the birth of a unicorn has garnered the mostlyfull attention of government agents, faeries and nymphs, hippies and great white hunters, and two pairs of angels with vastly different agendas. Ted Akin’s
Texas Parks & Weirdlife
Texas author Ted Akin describes himself as a “dork, farmer, rural mental health advocate, writer, desert hippy and world’s okayest musician.” Goat may or may not be a unicorn. Photo submitted by Horse & Heart Productions
