Kelly S tone Educator, Comedian, Fancy River Captain
Dear Readers, As I write this, I’m feeling super fancy, but by the time you read it, I’ll be a full-on swamp witch. Happy and glowing, for sure, but in desperate need of the longest bath, creamy lotions and the softest of beds. That’s because I’ve returned to the motherland, soaking up Texas’ blistering summer heat and I’m immersing myself in a heapin’ helping of brutal sun as I serve as team captain for an elite racing team in the Texas Water Safari.
My feelings of fanciness come from the fact that my team flew me out all the way from Portugal to help get them down the river. It was wildly validating to get that call, and it feels mighty special that my history with the “World’s Toughest Canoe Race” — as both a racer and a team captain — earned me this opportunity. (For the uninitiated: team captains provide essential bank support by supplying food, water, medicine and unwavering moral support.) Like I said…I’m fancy, right?
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Katie Henderson, Broke Thespians Theatre Company This year, the race kicks off on Friday morning, not Saturday, which means that by Sunday, as you’re reading this, my team should be paddling the final stretch into the Gulf of Mexico, crossing the finish-line buoy in Seadrift, Texas. I will most certainly smell like every dead fish in the San Antonio Bay, but I promise, the racers will smell worse. That said, nothing overpowers Seadrift smiles. I cannot wait.
With this week’s full Strawberry Moon in Sagittarius and a Safari start on Friday the 13th, I know this race will be powerful, cosmic and unforgettable. And yes, I’ll be earning another coveted Safari patch for getting these fellas down the river. It’s a patch I’ll proudly affix to my Portuguese academic cape. I hadn’t planned on collecting a safari finishing “trophy” during my PhD studies, but the stars have aligned. Now my cape will most certainly be the only one of its kind in the whole wide world! #humblebrag If you’ve never followed the Texas Water Safari, I encourage you to check out their website. You can still track all the remaining teams via GPS in real time until the race concludes on Tuesday at the 100-hour cutoff. This year features 165 teams, including two novice women’s teams in aluminum boats and the legendary Witches of the 666 attempting a tandem unlimited finish this year. I believe in manifestation, collective consciousness, and positive intention, so even if you’re not on the riverbanks in person, your digital cheers and vibes while monitoring your phone screen will assuredly be felt.
This year also brings record-low water levels, which means it’ll be extra gritty and grueling. I’m already proud of everyone involved, and by the end, that sunburned, swamp-witch version of me will be beaming like the strangest, mudcaked Care Bear you ever saw. What an adventure, and what a wonderful tradition we have here in San Marcos. Despite the competitive edge, we are all in this together.
See you on the other side (and also at Summer in the Park)!
XOXO,
Kelly Stone is an educator, comedian, mother, and author who loves the heck outta the river. She welcomes e-letters at kellystone.org or kellystonecomedy@gmail. com and adores handwritten notes, postcards, and neat patches via good ol’ snail mail: R dos Combatentes da Gr. Guerra 47, FRAC R, Aveiro, Portugal 3810-087.
