DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old mother of two, a wife and a fulltime teacher. My days are long, busy and usually uneventful. Every evening, I am expected to call my 84-year-old mother, who lives a few states away. I oblige, of course, listening patiently to all of her stories, ranting and gossip.
If, for any reason, I happen to fall asleep or forget to call, it’s as if my face will be plastered on a milk carton. The texts and emails start, as well as calls and texts to my husband and sometimes even my children.
Abby, I have tried explaining that this leaves me annoyed and frustrated, only to be dismissed with, “Well guess what X said today?” Or, “Did I tell you what R said to J?” (Yes, you did, in fact, TWICE already). Should I bite my tongue or insist on a better schedule that will hopefully prove to be mutually beneficial? It’s difficult to engage in meaningful conversations when they are forced and mostly one-sided. – BURDENED IN NEW YORK DEAR BURDENED: It is within your power to curtail the schedule your mother has instituted. However, doing so will require a conversation with her that may not be pleasant for either of you. TELL her you will call her once (or twice) a week, because talking daily isn’t working for YOU. Tell her that if she wants to gossip, she should do it with her contemporaries rather than demand you listen on a daily basis.
