OP/ED
The following article is the fifth installment of a five-week series focusing on raising awareness about domestic violence. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and we hope to educate our community on this very important issue. In our communities, the Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center has been serving victims of domestic and dating violence, sexual assault, and child abuse since 1978. Last year, HCWC served 2,257 victims of abuse (face-to-face) primarily from Hays and Caldwell Counties. 1,165 of those were victims of domestic violence.
Survivors of domestic violence are impacted in many ways, but one effect is how abuse can strain parent-child relationships and lead to feelings of failure.
Many survivors feel shame as a parent, whether because their children were exposed to violence, feeling they did not model a healthy relationship, or the abuse kept them from being grounded and present with their kids. Trauma can also negatively impact children and reinforce a parent’s feelings of guilt. But it’s important to understand that abuse is deeply impacting and traps survivors through fear, control and manipulation. This makes it hard to make parenting decisions, stay safe or regulate emotions.
So, how does a parent move beyond guilt and shame? You can start by replacing negative selftalk with words that uplift. Next, be fully present; dwelling on things that have already happened means that we have less energy for now. Remember, self-care is not selfish but rather a way to make sure we are not trying to give from an empty cup. Lastly, find moments to spend quality time with your children and be a safe space for them. Children are resilient, and the parent-child bond can be repaired and strengthened. Healing is possible.
If you or someone you know needs help with an abusive relationship, please call HCWC’s 24hour HELPline at 512396-4357 to talk to our advocates and learn more about advocacy, counseling and group therapy options for survivors.
