For many families, the holiday season is one of the only times all generations gather under one roof — laughing, sharing meals and reconnecting. But it can also be when adult children notice subtle changes in aging parents that weren’t apparent during quick visits or phone calls. A large home may suddenly seem harder for Mom to maintain, or the stairs Dad once navigated easily may now bring hesitation.
Steve Fuller is the CEO of The Army Residence, a senior lifestyle community in San Antonio. He says these small holiday observations can become the starting point for some of the most important family conversations — ones focused not on urgency, but on planning, independence and long-term well-being.
“Families often wait until a crisis forces the discussion,” Fuller explains. “But the holidays create a natural, loving environment to check in, notice changes and talk openly about what the future could look like in a way that feels supportive, not stressful.”
Fuller notes that proactive planning is one of the greatest gifts families can give one another — and that early conversations often lead to better choices, more independence, and greater peace of mind for everyone.
As families gather this season, Fuller recommends gently observing for the following indicators that an aging parent may benefit from downsizing or moving in with a relative or into a supportive, active community:
Difficulty managing the home – Mail piling up, deferred repairs or challenges keeping up with housekeeping could signal that the house is becoming overwhelming.
Changes in mobility or balance – Hesitation on stairs, difficulty rising from chairs,or holding onto furniture while walking may indicate increased fall risk.
Shifts in energy or social engagement – A once-busy parent who now avoids outings or seems more isolated may benefit from a community with built-in activities and connection.
Gaps in nutrition, hygiene or medication routines – Skipped meals, weight changes, or confusion around daily medications can signal that additional support would help.
Emotional stress or anxiety about living alone – Expressions of worry, loneliness, or fear of handling emergencies alone are meaningful cues.
Fuller emphasizes that how families talk about these observations matters as much as what they discuss. He recommends: Start with curiosity, not conclusions. Instead of “You need to move,” try “How are you feeling about living here these days?” Focus on empowerment.
Emphasize that exploring options is about maintaining independence — not taking it away.
Share what you’ve noticed with compassion.
Use “I” statements: “I noticed you seemed tired keeping up with the house — is it feeling like a lot lately?”
Talk about the future before a crisis forces it.
Parents who plan proactively have more choices and are often happier long-term.
Make it a family conversation, not an intervention.
Keep the tone gentle, supportive and centered on quality of life.
“The holidays bring together the people who care about us most,” Fuller says. “It’s the perfect opportunity to talk — delicately and lovingly — about what comes next and how to make sure everyone’s future feels secure and supported.”
