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Q. Can you help me with the origin of this phrase: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” A friend thinks it was first used in Disney’s “Bambi.”
A . In the 1942 film, Thumper does restate his mom’s advice: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” Felix Salten’s original book, “Bambi,” was published in 1929. I skimmed the first 50 pages. In chapter 4, Bambi does meet a hare, but there is no similar conversation so it seems likely that “If you can’t say something nice…” was added by Disney’s writers.
A Google search brought up a variation: “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” That quote was attributed to Teddy Roosevelt’s eldest daughter, Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980.)
I searched our online catalog for Alice Roosevelt Longworth and found “Hissing Cousins: The Untold Story of Eleanor Roosevelt and Alice Roosevelt Longfellow.”
Here’s a relevant line from that book: “There were, however, two mainstays at the Longworth town house. There was a pillow embroidered with the saying ‘If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me.’”
What was the other mainstay? “In the summer, there was always poison ivy growing along the walkway to her front door. Stewart Alsop once asked, ‘Please Mrs. L., couldn’t I hire a yard man to clear out the ivy?’ She replied, ‘You cannot, I like it.’”
Alice was known for her wicked humor. What did Alice have to say about her famous father? “(He) always wants to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding, and the baby at every christening.”
The long-lived, politically active socialite was also the subject of many memorable comments. An entry from “Women in World History” includes the following quote about Alice: “A friend of her father’s later inquired as to why he did not ‘look after Alice more.’ Roosevelt responded, ‘I can be President of the United Statesor—I can look after Alice!’”
Let’s return to this column’s question. I wasn’t able to find a definitive source for this well-known saying. I have a feeling that the original saying was used so widely that the first speaker is unknown.
As a child, I tend to identify this phrase with the women of the family. I think “If you can’t say something nice…” is one of the top 10 timeless phrases first spoken by early cave mothers.
It would be interesting to know if a variation is used in other countries. If you know a version commonly used in another language, please give me a call at 512-393-8213 or an email, [email protected] so I can update this column.
If you’d like to read Felix Salten’s “Bambi,” we have several copies in our children’s fiction collection. Of course, you can also check out the Disney version on DVD.
