When the holidays are hard

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” However, for many of us, the holidays are the hardest part of the year. We suffer with loneliness, isolation, depression and grief. Some of us may have lost very close family members, lost a marriage, or lost a job. These losses can lead to extreme loneliness. With such excessive loneliness, we tend to isolate. We avoid holiday parties and making friends. If we make friends, we are scared that we would lose them just like we lost our family members.

The holiday season magnifies these feelings which causes us to feel more alone and isolated. At these parties we are forced to put up a face that says, “I’m happy! Yea for the holidays,” even when we are truly not happy. Sometimes, when I am at a party surrounded by people, I still feel lonely. It’s so hard to put on a happy face when you are feeling so lonely and depressed. Additionally, trying to act happy when you are really suffering doesn’t work. I’ve done this at a couple of parties and it made me feel more lonely and depressed.

Many of us have dealt with trauma in our past, and the holidays trigger us to relive the trauma. My mom past away very unexpectedly. I wonder if she knew how much I loved her? I keep waiting to see her walk through the door, or answer the phone when I call. But, these will never happen again. My grief is really magnified by the holidays. They definitely make me feel like I am reliving this trauma. So, I really know what it feels like to be lonely during the holidays.

My heart goes out to all of you experiencing loneliness, depression, grief, and sadness during the holidays. Please know this, it is OK to have these feelings. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way.

It’s so hard to put on a happy face when you are truly suffering. In fact, denying yourself your own emotions of suffering and trying to put on a happy face really doesn’t work. I have tried this and it actually made me feel more sad, lonely and depressed.

There are some ways to help us deal with the holiday blues: • Even though it might be scary, reach out to someone and tell them how you feel over lunch or dinner.

• Exercise. It gives you time to clear your mind and elevates your mood.

• Watch what you eat. I Love sweets, especially chocolate. However I have found that sweets (especially chocolate) can make you depressed.

• If you don’t feel like going to a specific party, give yourself permission to decline politely.

All four of these will not make the suffering go away, but, they will definitely help you through the holiday season.

I hope you all have a holiday season in which you are able to understand that what you are experiencing is common. You are definitely not alone.