Insensitive comments push mom toward plastic surgery

DEAR ABBY: I had my daughter later in life. I was almost 41. I am no beauty queen, but now, 12 years later, I have been asked by two different people if I am my daughter’s grandmother. It was so upsetting, I cried for weeks. I have always been self-conscious about my looks.

My daughter is now going to be a teenager. I don’t want her future high school friends thinking I am her grandma, so I’ve been contemplating plastic surgery. My family insists I don’t need it. They’re calling me vain, foolish, selfish, etc. My husband is discouraging me because of the cost. (He’s pretty frugal.)

Would it be selfish if it will make me feel better about myself? In the meantime, how do I handle any more “grandma” comments without punching someone in the nose? – NOT THAT OLD IN FLORIDA DEAR NOT THAT OLD: In case you haven’t noticed, an increasing number of women are having children in their 40s (and a few even older). If you are contemplating cosmetic surgery only because you have a young child, a cheaper and more effective way to deal with it would be to simply tell the truth, which is that she’s your daughter.

While cosmetic surgery can make someone more confident about their looks, it is not the case for everyone. Your family should not be ridiculing you for wanting to explore the option. A licensed mental health professional can help you decide whether you need a surgical procedure or an attitude adjustment. If it’s the former, schedule an appointment with a qualified surgeon to discuss your options. DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for six years. Until about 18 months ago, my mother- in-law and I got along swimmingly. Unfortunately, that relationship has become troubled. The cause is her deep involvement with her church, indoctrinating our toddler with her religious beliefs and, finally, (ironically) her deep physical attraction to her priest. She believes this last topic is acceptable to confide to me. Needless to say, it has made me very uncomfortable, and I have begun avoiding her.

This is difficult because she and my father-in-law live in the downstairs apartment of our home. My husband, thankfully, understands my position. We both have spoken to his mother several times, to no avail. I’ve reached the end of my rope, and I’m asking for any advice you may have as to how to handle this awkward situation. – ROUGH WATERS IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR ROUGH WATERS: Because you can’t change your mother-in-law, the most direct way to handle this would be to tell her that her confidences have made you uncomfortable, and you don’t want to hear another word about her physical attraction to the cleric. I assume your father-in-law is aware of all this? If not, she should inform HIM.

I will further assume that because your in-laws are family, you don’t plan to ask them to move. Putting an end to her attempts to indoctrinate your toddler is as easy as hiring a babysitter.