What I did once, I now regret

In my last column, I admitted to some things I’ve never done in my 50-something-year-olddude- type-person life. (I still haven’t been to Hooters.)

So, of course, that discussion brought to mind a few things I’ve actually accomplished–or committed– and deeply regret.

1. I’m not sure why I thought of this first (and probably don’t want to know), but I once tried one of those back shavers with the extra-long handle in order to try and look more like Ryan Gosling and less like a pregnant labradoodle with mange. Instead, when I came out of the shower after my first “shave,” my back and shoulders looked like they had tangled with a rabid potato peeler.